she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
