Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
