Betty ford says i'm here all night
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just found a bag of teeth...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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