Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
