If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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