when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
we should paint friendship bongs
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
