dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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