My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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