It's like God shit irony all over that family
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
