I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Jerry, you need to find god
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
