You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
