i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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