The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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