If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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