Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So apparently I’m into choking now
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
