yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
