I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
