Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This beer is not sobering me up at all
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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