ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
