so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
