in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
