im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
