If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
