Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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