You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
