OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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