I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
