he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
