She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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