i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
