i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
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i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She's just so happy...and so naked.
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Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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