you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
