i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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