Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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