So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
