Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
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Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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