when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
