No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
