My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
