Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
