is your mom at the bar?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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