We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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