Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
