i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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