So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
did i just pee glitter
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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