he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
