I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
