just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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