Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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