I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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