either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
