I'm eating all of the evidence.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
