dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I've blown a few things in my day
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
