DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
