ya dads aren't the best wingmen
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
