I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
