So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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