guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
