Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
