Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
