Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I smell stomach acid.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
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hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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