He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
