I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
