im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
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when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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