I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
