Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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